One Yukkuri Place

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Topic: New story on YFT! Yunyaaa~

Posted under General

AnonKun

Sorry for opening a new thread just for this, but given the current status of YFT I thought a bit of publicity could be of use. Normally I wouldn’t do that. How about making YFT shine once more? Part I is up already~

Specifics:
-Word count: around 15500 words.
-I divided it into seven parts due to length issues.
-I’ll post a new part every three days.
It would be funny to read any eventual predictions, given the story is completed already! Assuming anyone will read this message or the story, of course.

Warnings:
-This story is a product of love. But is it family friendly? I’m afraid not.
-No Uneasy Mister Abyusers in this story :(
-If you think I’ll be gentle, I’ll prove you otherwise.

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  • EasyV

    I just finished reading the last part, and I thought I'd tell you what I think.

    First, the negative parts:
    Sometimes it was fairly hard to follow. I couldn't really grasp some events---especially in the first few chapters---and I have to say at one point I was surprised to see that there was another Reimu with Marisa in the nest. I probably just missed the part where she was introduced, but it's still something that happened.
    The fact that the little ones actually called themselves with "ko", etc. was kind of off-putting. I'm used to yukkuri calling themselves with their normal name, slurred at best.
    I also didn't like the epilogue in its entirety.

    On the other hand, when I could follow the events it was well written and the atmosphere was conveyed properly.

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  • AnonKun

    Thanks for reading! I must admit that I... didn't remember if koyukkuris call themselves with the prefix "ko". It had been a while...
    Nothing that can't be corrected in future stories.

    Was lenght an issue? The initial draft featured a lot that was cut out like
    -Alice's initial story
    -Alice after leaving the village
    -Chen's role, severely reduced
    and a couple of other stuff. I think I cut away as much as I could, but I'm not good judge of myself.

    For the next story I'd like to make a slightly atypical Family Friendly story. Let's see what happens...

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  • EasyV

    Personally I would've preferred if you included Chen and Alice's backgrounds.
    As it is now, Chen might've as well not be there at all. At the beginning it was hinted that Alice was two-timing, but then it went nowhere with Chen simply disappearing under some snow.
    It was an interesting set-up which could've been used to create some more dynamics within Patche's nest between Chen and Marisa (and maybe the little ones too.)

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  • AnonKun

    >Chen might've as well not be there at all.
    Yeah, the only reason I kept her was to give a bit more about Alice (which was still obvious, given Alice's own inner thoughts)and because... well, I wanted a village, and for that you need more than just two yukkuris XD
    On the other side, Chen's story was too dispersive: it was either having chapters just for her (not a solution, since she's not a main character) or shifting the narration between THREE nests. Simply too much.

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  • BaronMind

    Mister AnonKun is back! Rub-rub!

    Good to see YFT hasn't taken the big easy while Cirno's been off fighting uneasy Mister Life. Nicely dramatic story, could have used a bit of proofreading in spots but overall very easy work. And sooooooo looooooong!

    Waiting impatiently to see what mister writes next!

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  • AnonKun

    BaronMind said:

    Mister AnonKun is back! Rub-rub!

    A familiar username... it's nice to see you're doing well.

    >need of proofreading / sooooooo looooooong!

    My eternal trademarks.
    Next story (Anemone) is already turning to be at least a third of Frostchildren. Gut feeling tells me it'll be half the total lenght. Technically I could post part 1 already, but I don't touch stuff until it's completely done :(
    If you (or anyone) wants to be Hero Proofreader for a day, all he needs to do is saying "I will" and once I'm done I'll PM the complete one via google groups.

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  • EasyV

    AnonKun said:

    well, I wanted a village, and for that you need more than just two yukkuris XD

    For what is worth you could've just been descriptive about the village, no need to make an actual character for that...

    AnonKun said:

    On the other side, Chen's story was too dispersive: it was either having chapters just for her (not a solution, since she's not a main character) or shifting the narration between THREE nests. Simply too much.

    What I would've done is: introduce Chen and also Alice's two-timing, then keep narrating Marisa's story until she reaches Patche's nest. At that point, either have Chen be already there or let her appear later on (but not too late.)
    After that, tell Chen's story by using short flashbacks (maybe disguised as dreams or memories) while continuing using the two-timing of Alice as a reason to cause tension inside the nest.
    This tension would then lead to Marisa killing Chen once Patche's body is no more.
    Granted, I would've also ended the story differently, but that's not important.

    AnonKun said:

    Next story (Anemone) is already turning to be at least a third of Frostchildren. Gut feeling tells me it'll be half the total lenght.

    No thanks. There are already enough short tales (many of which, especially the most recent ones, are mine.)

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  • BaronMind

    AnonKun said:

    A familiar username... it's nice to see you're doing well.

    Mister must have a very good memory to remember Cirno! Unfortunately "well" is a bit of an overstatement right now. Would be nice if uneasy things stopped happening soon.

    AnonKun said:

    My eternal trademarks.

    Long stories can take it very easy! Was mister compliment, understand easy!

    AnonKun said:

    If you (or anyone) wants to be Hero Proofreader for a day, all he needs to do is saying "I will" and once I'm done I'll PM the complete one via google groups.

    Cirno really wants to say yes, but Cirno can't even reliably visit more than once a month... not keeping mister promise would be very uneasy! Sorry for being so busy!

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  • saline

    Great! Just when I started getting back in to reading random yufics too.

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  • Cloudrunner62

    BaronMind said:

    Mister AnonKun is back! Rub-rub!

    Good to see YFT hasn't taken the big easy while Cirno's been off fighting uneasy Mister Life. Nicely dramatic story, could have used a bit of proofreading in spots but overall very easy work. And sooooooo looooooong!

    Waiting impatiently to see what mister writes next!

    Guess who else is back, Cirno?

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  • AnonKun

    Given the uncertain future of the site, my next story will come out earlier.
    While parts 1,2 and 4 are done, part 3 is still unfinished and that's why the specifics are still uncertain.

    Specifics:
    -Word count: ???
    -Divided into four parts
    -Will be updated every four days

    Warnings:
    -No real warnings this time.
    Technically this story is *sort of* Family Friendly…? Or maybe it’s “Slice of Life”?
    Anyways, since there’s not my beloved abuse I had to resort to other tricks to keep things flowy.

    I'll let you be the judge.

    ---

    Part 1 is up!
    https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/yufanfics/N6iynxxZAGs

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  • BaronMind

    Cloudrunner62 said:

    Guess who else is back, Cirno?

    RIKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!

    *GLOMP*

    ...ahem. I gotta make time to visit more often, this is getting ridiculous.

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  • AnonKun

    Okay, full story's done and published.
    Let's see what the future will be.

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  • EasyV

    I forgot you were releasing chapters every few days...
    Sorry, I'll read it when I get some more time and leave a comment here.

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  • AnonKun

    LOL, it's not mandatory! Only do it when, and if, you have time/will or so.
    I write for myself, other people are just a pleasant bonus.

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  • EasyV

    I just finished reading it.
    I liked it more than the previous one.
    It was very melanchonic, but still nice. You could really feel the Miss's situation.

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